The Danger of Singleness (1)

Though singleness is good (as we saw in the last two issues of the News), there are also dangers associated with it (I Cor. 7:2, 9). First, it can be abused in a selfish way. It is true that single people avoid the cares of marriage (26, 28, 32), but they may then sinfully choose to live unto themselves. Instead of using their greater freedom as singles to serve the Lord, they may simply use it to please themselves. The single person is thus tempted to satisfy their every desire and become self-centered in the use of their money, time, leisure, holidays, etc. This sinful abuse of singleness disobeys God’s Word. Love "seeketh not her own" (I Cor. 13:5). "Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others" (Phil. 2:4). "Let everyone of us please his neighbor for his good to edification" (Rom. 15:2). Though there is ordinarily a greater occasion for selfishness in single life, it is, of course, common to all the fallen sons and daughters of Adam.

Second, the single person’s physical condition of aloneness may lead to feeling lonely. The single child of God misses having someone with whom to talk and share. Then one is prone to brood and to think that no one really cares, perhaps not even the Father in heaven. Loneliness is often linked with boredom. "It is no fun being here by myself. I wish I had someone to live with and live for." For some single people, this danger is mitigated by continuing to live with their parents. But living with your parents when you are older may generate friction, especially because there is a natural desire for greater independence. However, not only single people but even some married people feel lonely, such as some parents after their children have grown up and left home or spouses in a poor marriage or Christians who are married to unbelievers.

Third, single people may struggle with a sense of failure. "Other people (including most of my friends) are married and have families of their own by now, but what have I done?" The single man may complain, "No one whom I ask out ever accepts, or if they do it never works out." The single woman may feel undesirable and unattractive to men.

All of these things and others can lead to bitterness, and bitterness at one’s lot in life, is, at bottom, bitterness at Almighty God, the governor of the world.

However, the single biggest danger for single people is fornication. The dangers previously mentioned may also add to the temptation. A selfish desire for sheer physical gratification may lead to fornication. The desire of a lonely single person to be with a man or woman may also lead to unlawful intercourse. The single person may think that sleeping with another person will prove his or her masculinity or femininity. With others bitterness or discontentment with God’s way can lead to sex outside marriage.

I Corinthians 6 has a lot to say about fornication. Fornicators will not inherit the kingdom of God (9-10). Christians fornicating with prostitutes are making members of Christ the members of an harlot (15-16). All other sins are outside the body, "but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body" (18). Thus the child of God must "flee fornication" (18). This includes avoiding temptations to it such as lascivious books, magazines, pictures, television programs, songs, music videos, etc. Fornication is a mortal danger! Flee it!

I Corinthians 7:2 speaks literally of "fornications" (plural): "Nevertheless, to avoid fornications, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband." This forbids all forms of illicit sexual activity including sodomy, prostitution, pornography and sexual fantasies. Christian marriage is the God ordained way of avoiding fornication.

But why does the apostle identify fornication as the number 1 danger for single persons and marriage as the solution or "remedy" (as Calvin calls it)? First, he presupposes that men and women are naturally attracted to the opposite sex. This is part of the human make-up, for God created us "male and female" (Gen. 1:27). Second, he presupposes that the fall of man has disordered our sexual attractions. Thus man’s sexuality plus his total depravity issues in sexual lust. Sinful men and women with sexual appetites are best preserved from fornication not by monkish vows of continual chastity or by retiring to a monastery in the desert but by lawful Christian marriage. In marriage, God makes two "one flesh" (Gen. 2:24). In marriage, sex is lawful and even required—a good gift from God! In marriage, satisfied with the love and lovemaking of his or her spouse, the Christian is guarded from the temptation to fornicate (Prov. 5:15-20).

Some might protest that this is a low view of marriage: Get married or you may fornicate. But consider apostolic teaching in I Corinthians. Christian marriage is a "one flesh" union (6:16), which brings forth "holy" children (7:14), in which the man "is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man" (11:3). In Ephesians 5:22-33, Paul describes Christian marriage as a picture of the union between Christ and His church—the most glorious presentation anywhere of marriage—and commands husbands: "love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it" (25).