The Duty of Sex in Marriage (1)

Sex outside marriage is sin; all Christians know this, and so do unbelievers. Not having sex in marriage (under ordinary circumstances) is also sin; maybe not all are aware of this. According to I Corinthians 7:3-5, sex in marriage is a debt owed. Neglect or refusal to have sex with your spouse is theft, a breaking of the eighth commandment: "Thou shalt not steal."

The Bible has important things to say about singleness, marriage and sex. Thus the church must teach these subjects, as well as the truths of the Holy Trinity, the end times and irresistible grace. The church teaches these subjects in sermons, in catechism classes, in premarital classes and (as now) in writing. Wise parents will also speak to their children on these issues as did Solomon to his son in Proverbs (e.g., Prov. 2:16-19; 5:3-23; 6:24-35; 7:6-27; 9:13-18).

Of course, the manner, as well as the matter, of Christian teaching on marriage and sex is very different from that of the world. We do not aim to arouse or titillate the saints, nor yet are we prudish, simply ignoring the subject. Instead, we proclaim the biblical teaching on sexuality chastely and authoritatively.

Jesus Christ is Lord, and this means that He is Lord of marriage and the marriage bed too. He has things to say here. Thus our goal is the glory of God in Jesus Christ and the edification of the saints. Within this framework and with this spirit, let us consider the duty of sex in marriage.

I Corinthians 7:3 speaks of husband and wife rendering "due benevolence" to each other: "Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband." "Due benevolence" here does not mean that husband and wife must merely show each other kindness in general. Consider the context. A purpose of marriage is to "avoid fornication" (2). In marriage, your spouse has authority over your body, especially in the marriage bed (4). The "incontinency" in verse 5 refers to lack of sexual self-control. Thus "due benevolence" in I Corinthians 7:3 refers specifically to the kindness due to one’s spouse in sexual intercourse.

This sexual "benevolence" is "due" to your spouse. It is a debt, something you owe your husband or wife. It is not merely a favor that you dispense if your spouse has been good. Obviously some, through old age or disability, etc., are unable to fulfill this debt, but ordinarily Christian spouses must pay this debt. Are you paying this debt to your husband or wife?